Sunday, September 30, 2012
Overpowered Vampire
Hot damn, I am such a frigging overpowered vampire. I can
see in the dark:
My top speed on the ground exceeds that of the fastest
running animals on Earth (take that, cheetahs):
I have super-human strength:
I can fly:
I can breathe underwater:
I can do that weird spidery wall-crawling thing most
vampires in fiction don’t do anymore:
I have super-vision:
I can quickly recognize blood types and distinguish one
animal’s blood from another:
I have extraordinary healing abilities:
I can survive nuclear explosions:
I can communicate across long distances, especially with
people I have fed upon:
(I have their phone numbers)
I can silently communicate with people I have formed strong
bonds with:
(I have their e-mail addresses)
I can extract information from almost anyone, anywhere in
the world:
The Internet
The Internet
(I couldn’t find a picture of the Internet)
The list goes on and on.
My people do genuinely have what could be considered bona
fide biological superpowers. It's all relative. I have the ears of a dog, the echolocation of a
bat (and I do decidedly non-batty things with it), the voice mimicry of a
parrot, and the immune system of – the transhumans of the future, I hope.
But most importantly, I have the brain of a human, which can
make all other superpowers possible. And I have the indefinite lifespan of a hydra/planarian flatworm, so I’ll live to see them all.
And I hope to keep adding to this list. When and if we ever mastered mind uploading, and if changing
bodies ever became as easy as changing clothes, I’d be getting a bat body. And
a wolf body.
And I guess becoming utility fog a la Transmetropolitan would count as turning
into mist. I’ll have that, too.
As they say, sufficiently advanced science is indistinguishable from magic. And scientists are increasingly becoming indistinguishable from wizards. Ask Nikola Tesla.
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Being a vampire has certain limitations, but it can also be a ton of fun. Your extra strengths and abilities can make you successful in almost every endeavor you participate in and before you know it the money and acquaintances will come streaming in. You can build wealth and gain prestige and notoriety and attempt things you may never have even considered as a human. One thing you will definitely have more of is time. Beef up your education and learn all you every wanted to. Travel the world to see things most people only ever see on TV This is going to be especially fun if you turned to share your life with one of us. Let us show you the wonders of the world. Learn new languages, go skydiving or scuba dive with sharks, visit the African safari. You no longer need to be scared of nature or wildlife – you will have become the worlds strongest predator. Have fun with it and your life as a vampire can be more fulfilling than you ever dreamed. Explore, experiment, experience and get excited. There’s a big world out there with lots to see and do and as a vampire, you can do it all. If your dream is to become a powerful person in life contact: Richvampirekindom@gmail.com
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